Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Ruined Breakfasts and Torn Newspaper

The past few weeks have been filled with inner turmoil for me.  I know that Jesus is teaching me some things, and purging alot of ugliness from my heart.  But at the same time, I'm struggling to keep my head above water.  I woke up this morning, with 2 months worth of things needing to be done, but I was determined to get EVERYTHING done by nap time ;).

So, first thing, I got the coffee pot going and started Eric's breakfast.  It was healthy.  I've made it before.  It turned out great last time.  He loved it.  Perfect, right?  Yeah..... I'm not really sure what went wrong, but it didn't cook as quickly as it should have and it didn't taste good at all.  Usually, not a big deal.  Apologize and try harder next time.  But somehow, this completely devastated me this morning.  I just knew I was failing as a wife and a mother.  How was I going to get ALL this stuff done today, if I can't even get breakfast right?  Dramatic, I know.  But stick with me......

I was still feeling pretty rotten about myself and my ability to manage my home and bring any glory to the Lord at all, when my sweet Ely woke up.  She chatters almost constantly.  It's always a cheerful blur of words that narrates everything going through her little heart, and always delivered with a slight smile on her lips.  As she was helping me wad up newspaper to throw in the wood stove, her paper tore a little.  She stopped, and almost looked upset.  Then, she decided the torn pieces burn better anyway.  I asked her why she thought that.  She then informed me that the newspaper has to tear for the fire to get inside it and burn better.  And somehow, inside my overly emotional heart, that was exactly what I needed to hear.  Even if it isn't really true about newspaper, I think it might be true about me.  I think I need to be torn every now and then.  I need to feel the pressure that being a wife and mom brings.  Because every single time things get a little challenging, a renewed fire and passion is ignited within.  I WANT to be an amazing wife.  I WANT to be a great mom.  And although I continue to fail, I just might get it right..... If I don't give up.

So, I've fed kids, changed diapers, practiced writing new letters in the alphabet, made pig, cow, and kitten sounds, talked about honesty and thankfulness, and played Duck Duck Goose, as if those are the most important tasks in the entire world..... Because maybe they are :)

Do you feel defeated at times?  Maybe... just maybe... those moments of defeat are your chance to be AMAZING!

Tell me what you think (and feel free to leave fool proof breakfast ideas) in the comments below :)

Nahum 1:7

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