Saturday, April 16, 2016

The Death of a Dream

Have you ever carried a dream your whole life? Just one? A completely simple and reasonable dream. Nothing fancy. Nothing too far fetched. I have. Just one. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, never knew where I wanted to live, never made a "bucket list". I've always been content with my one little dream. Along the way, the Lord has been gracious to fill my heart and my life with many, many blessings and benefits. I am so thankful, and I love them dearly... But, I've still been waiting and hoping for just that one thing...

Last week, that dream died. I'll admit, it was a painful death. It tore my heart, and I didn't want to let it go. After the kids were to bed, I sat an entirely too quiet kitchen, and let the tears fall. Did I really have to give up, after all these years of hoping? Yes, I did. It hurt.

A few years ago, I heard a preacher preach a message about giving Jesus the keys to the car of our life. And not only giving him the keys, but getting in the trunk and locking ourselves inside. There, without seeing where He was driving, we couldn't try to direct the how or where our life was going. Just trust Him to drive where He knew was best.

I've been standing, with one leg in the trunk for a long time. Each time I start to crawl inside, I remind Jesus of all the things I don't want Him to forget. Like, "I'll get in, but will you make sure you.....?" It was time to be quiet. To crawl inside the darkness, and trust that no matter the journey, He WILL always do right. It doesn't have to be what I think it should be. And I am so very sure, it will be even more beautiful than I have hoped. Because He is always good and loving. So, there it is. A new chapter in my life. All may seem the same on the outside... But, on the inside, I am desperately clinging to Him. And I've never felt more safe in my life <3.